one liner (or two) jokes for you

I truly hope you are self distancing, for your own safety, and those of your loved ones, and for everyone else also.
So very true
So let me intersperse jokes from a comedian (I forget his  name)

I will tell you what always catches my eyes, short people with umbrellas
The young couple next door to me have recently made a sex tape...
I mean, obviously, they don't know that yet..
The other day a young woman said I was somewhat of a looker
well, voyeur was the actual word that she used

I got the memory of an elephant.. one time I went to a zoo and saw an elephant!
If you watch a porn film backwards it is about a man who vacuums spunk off a woman, then breaks her washing machine and leaves
my grandad went down in history, and on one occasion fingered a girl in geography

there is only one thing I hate about Halloween      which is...

my girlfriend's dog died so to cheer her up I got her a identical one.
She was livid.  'what am I  going to do with two dead dogs"